Losing Myself in Mommyhood and Finding Myself Again

For over a decade I have dedicated myself to the beloved task of child-rearing. It sounds glamorous doesn’t it? I can do the majority of my job in my pajamas without brushing my teeth or combing my hair because there is a good chance I won’t see anyone outside the four walls of my house in a day. I’ve changed more poopy diapers than I care to count. I’ve bandaged scraped knees, read bedtime stories, helped with homework, been a taxi driver, a cook, a house-keeper, a cheerleader, a scheduler, a launderer, a personal shopper, a nurse, a counselor.  The list is endless.

And don’t even get me started on house cleaning. Trying to keep the house clean with six children is like trying to keep a tidal wave back with nothing but a broom and dust pan. Many days I am doing things non-stop, but by the end of the day I often feel as though I were just spinning my wheels or chasing my tail. Trying so hard to accomplish something but feeling as though I had gotten nowhere. I have to remind myself that the kids are alive, provided for, they were fed, loved, read to and we made it through another day. In this season of life getting through another day is something to celebrate.

Don’t get me wrong, Motherhood is an absolute gift and my family is by far one of the most important things to me. A source of joy and comfort. But to be honest as much as I love motherhood, it can be hard and lonely. While dedicating youself to staying home to play a supporting role is a noble task and something I have felt called to for over ten years. It is not noble to be a martyr and not take care of yourself.

After twelve years of doing very little for myself, I’ve found that I had forgotten who I was or what I liked. My body hurt, I was tired, cranky and negative. I had neglected myself and my marriage and have gotten really good at throwing myself pity parties. A hobby? who in the world has time for such luxuries? A date night? Way to much work in this season of life. Going to the dentist or doctor? I’m not hiring a babysitter for that. After some time of yearning for something to look forward to, something that excited me,  I have decided to embark on a journey of self discovery and maybe it’s time for you to do the same. So I ask you, what are you good at?  What excites you? What causes do you care about? What dream do you need to chase? What fuels you and energizes you?

I’ve decided that it is not selfish to take care of myself. The better and happier I am the better and happier my family is. You know the saying, “If momma aint happy then nobody’s happy”.  I need to work myself into my schedule and that includes the things that fuel me and give me energy like reading, exercise and time spent with friends.

I need to find and do the things I am good at and care about. Not only will it be good for me but it will be a good example for my children.

So let’s do this mommas; let’s put ourselves on the schedule.  Let’s take time for us, to create, explore, have an adventure, plan a date night, a friend night, a game night. Let’s pursue passions and hobbies and dreams and let’s get excited about life all over again.


Published by Jennifer Jivan

Writer, speaker, Jesus follower, wife, mom and lover of a good cup of coffee.

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